Bipolarity

Really, I shouldn't be spending so much time online, especially when midterm exam is just around the corner and I'm sitting for SPM in approximately six-and-a-half-month time. However, I just cannot bring myself to get serious about my studies. Half of me will be screaming, "Get to work, you idiot! You are going to regret it big time if you keep on procrastinating...", which really drives me to open my add math reference book and start deciphering formulas and concepts. But this sudden spur of inspiration and determination will only be followed by another voice inside my head (probably the evil twin in me) telling me, "There are six more months lah. So, chill. What are the chances of you remembering what you read today six months down the road anyway?". With that, I will happily get distracted and abandon all revision books and school work for something more entertaining.

One thing I don't get. How can someone like me who loves reading so much not like reading anything related to my SPM syllabuses at all? I love reading novels, magazines, newspapers, encyclopedias and have a list of favourite websites that I will go to almost daily just to read up on different issues. I read manuals and brochures just for the sake of reading. I read posters about cavity and diabetes hung in the waiting rooms of clinics. I read the terms and conditions applied for vouchers I'm not even planning to use. But when it comes to text books, all forms of hunger for knowledge just vanish. I can read about synthetic polymers from an encyclopedia and get all curious about it but fall asleep while reading the exact same topic in my chemistry textbook. It's as if school related books exude some sort of bad aura that drives people away.

I need help! I don't want to screw up my SPM. I need to study very hard so that I can get 20A1's for SPM so that I can get a full scholarship to study in Harvard! Oh, wait, I am not even taking 20 subjects to start with...wahahahahahahaha...